Writing

I am a semi-being. Not of thought, of drooling adrenaline. I exist for others, and they exist for me, and I see myself through them. But I would exist otherwise, without them but unable to see myself, like a book unwritten, a reality unfurled, a potential undiscovered. And these others, they are books unwritten too, for I cannot see them even now they can see me - but better unwritten, for finality is a tragedy, whether of books or for the dead. And I do hate a morbid party.

Today I saw a brown butterfly against a white wall but for a second it was a white butterfly against a brown wall. I wonder whether I should be taking sanity pills again!

Also I drank beer today, for the first time since the weekend. That was probably the longest I've gone without drink in months.

I started writing a story too. I used to get really flustered with trying to make every paragraph perfect, until I'd re-worked it so much that it was entirely unreadable. I've decided instead to hammer ahead, trying to write something which entertains, rather than worrying about little things like the quality of the prose :)

I'm always amazed by how much shit people talk. Really it's all in the perception. The other day, Lizzie and I were observing the new tap ( we have a new tap ). It is a tubalar breed, and I observed that while dispensing water it wobbles. It was fun watching it wobble. And not only this, it was about as concrete and solid an event as ever has been - it definitely wobbled, there was no question - and it wasn't a bizarre or surprising event. Predictable, deterministic, perfectly causal. Yet it was so funny and trippy and far out. How can such an event occur to two (mostly) sane individuals?

Anyway thinking about such things has prompted this small spate of writing which may continue wearily like the characters within. The other tragic thing, rather than just endings, is that in interesting books, people tend to die, shit, piss, puke ( well those three probably make enjoyable reading ), get raped, burned, stabbed, shot etc. It's such a shame! It's why I like cheesy horror films - mostly you want that sort of shit to happen to the annoying characters contained.